is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
porn star boner night. come get it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
