I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
try to milk me bitch
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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