Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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