Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
