His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
