What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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