Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
