Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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