so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My breath smells like gin and sadness
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
