I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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