Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
