hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
