And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
