i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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