new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
