I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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