I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
