got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
