There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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