your parents love me but you hate me
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
