wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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