Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
