I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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