She said her name was "party"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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