Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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