You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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