I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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