Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
