Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
