i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
