So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
