oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
