we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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