Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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