im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found your dick twin last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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