The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
