I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
