Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
