I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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