Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
