Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
