my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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