so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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