I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
