Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
