I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
