I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
