I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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