I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
