I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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