Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
